Witten by Melpomene

Finding a Man

The movie Jerry McGuire came out when I was a solo-mother of an infant. At that time, all my funds went into raising my new son and I barely had enough income to cover our living expenses much less budget for entertainment. My entertainment was pretty much bound to playing with the baby and staying at home.

In those first few months, I was given a bit of insight into what I had to look forward to as far as men were concerned. One day I had taken my baby to Wal-Mart and, since it was a short drive, I had left the top down on my convertible so I could enjoy the mild weather. I was sitting there, waiting to get out of the parking lot when a truck appeared across the road vying for position to enter the parking lot. The young men in the tuck then started shouting and whistling to get my attention and kept up the ruckus until they had pulled their truck beside my car. From their vantage point, they looked down directly into my sonís car seat. They left tire marks on the pavement, they sped away so quickly.

It was not quite a year later when I chanced to rent Jerry McGuire and was taken by something one of the main characters said:

ďLook at me. Other women my age are trying to get a man, trying to keep a man. Not me. Iím trying to raise a man.Ē

Yes. Thatís it precisely. While all my girl friends are out there figuring out the best way to attract a good man, Iím desperately trying to decide how best to raise one.

Now, as the mother of an almost seven year-old, I thought it would be interesting to enter the dating game again. After all, Iím only thirty-one and desperately want more children, I should be out there trying to find someone I would be interested in marrying. Right?

Here comes the problem. I work full time at a company that has maybe one or two eligible bachelors, neither of whom I actually get to see often. When I am not working, Iím with my son. There are not many men who even give me a second glance, whether because they think I am already married or are uninterested in a ready made family I am unsure. So I thought, what the heck, Iíll join one of these on-line dating services. I joined, I took the personality survey, I perused the files of the men who were sent to me as potential matches, and I realized that I would rather be playing with my son that answering these odd questions.

I know what my problem is. I am perfectly content to remain as I am. My son and I are looking for land to buy where we can build a house. We are used of the idea of there being just the two of us, although we do discuss adopting a child or two from India once we are settled in our own home. I have created a life that has little room for another adult. Another problem is that I know precisely what I want in a man, and I also know that, as far as I have seen, he simply does not exist.

So, what is it I am looking for in a male of the species? Iíll tell you.

He would be about forty years old or so and would already have a child of his own who lives with him. He would love the idea of having a dozen kids running around under the roof and would have this insane mother who he not only tolerates but loves and respects. He would be content to have a wife who is independent and opinionated and who stops to help turtles out of the road. He would love life, adore children, and not be threatened by boys who admit to liking dolls occasionally. He would love the idea of moving to New Zealand or at least visiting as often as possible. He would be kind and loving and honest and carefree. The opinions of others would not matter to him. Appearances would be unimportant.

He does not exist. I know this, and yet there I am searching fruitlessly and wondering why I paid the money to use the dating service to begin with. I have been told that once I become content with where I am in my own life, the right man will come along. I do not believe it. Iíve been content for years now.

Perhaps I am too content.

Hated it? Loved it? Are confused by it? Tell me what you thought: e-mail me.